i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize