your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
