he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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