I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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