I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
