she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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