if you like me you must not know who I am
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
