fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
