do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
