i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
