Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
