you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
