You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize