Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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