I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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