Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
