She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
