I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
