Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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