Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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