The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
