one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
