Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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