i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
