You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
