The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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