Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
