hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If its not for food we ain't going out.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
