Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
