I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
