I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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