And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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