My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
