You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
