Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
