She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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