yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Small penises have feelings too.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Randomize
