my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize