I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
