last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
