My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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