I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
