life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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