So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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