Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
