Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
