the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
