you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
