I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
