Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
