That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
