Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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