who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
