isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
