He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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