I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
