I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
