I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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