So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
