You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
