yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
