Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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