so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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