I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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