Cold hands, warm shart.
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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