Porn is love you can see.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dignity is for republicans.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize