Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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