Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
