Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
