I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
