Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I want to stick my p in your. b.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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